…Therapy

Photo by rudamese

Therapy days are always terrible. I usually can’t sleep the night before, and it seems inevitable that something will go wrong in the morning while I am getting ready. I’ll be running late, or the weather is bad, and the traffic is worse.  Right off the bat I am more easily irritated, and irritation almost always leads to anxiety for me.

On a regular daily basis, most of us tend to tuck away difficult feelings so we can function. It’s a challenge to say the least to get through the day when you are overwhelmed by fears and worries. Most of us get used to tucking away those feelings, and they’re released only in a controlled manner – most of the time.

In therapy, you dig all those feelings up. You must correlate them with real actions in your life – whether those actions are conducive to healing or not. Even inaction, those days when you can’t get out of bed or off the sofa, is an action when it means going further down the rabbit hole.

Happening upon one of those moments is what I dread most about therapy. My therapist tends to just let me talk, and because I am usually anxious words will just start spilling out of my mouth. Often related to topics about which I haven’t been actively thinking. As such, those discoveries can be startling to say the least.

The anticipation of having to bring up these feelings is worse than doing it – most of the time. The evening before is when the dread begins to creep in and my heart starts beating a little harder. I may not even be actively thinking about going to therapy, but it’s there in the back of my mind. By the time I am in the waiting room during the few minutes before my appointment begins the anxiety is a 50lb ball in my chest. Once the appointment begins, I can start blurting out everything that is apparently on my mind, and then the session is over. All that dread was for nothing. Most of the time.

Sometimes there is something and that is when the feelings are dread are validated.

Do you get anxious on therapy days?

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